Have you noticed that after you get mad at your kids their need for reassurance increases?
Kids are always going to test you. The smallest toddlers quickly learn, and proudly test, the word NO! Or more commonly NO, NO, NO! That’s just the start of bedtime battles, homework hell, dirty room disasters, and more. You tested your parents, they test you, and someday you can laugh when their kids test them.
There have been times that I’ve mistaken the extra closeness for grounded kids being bored. But I believe it’s more. Humans need love, and kids need to know that just because you might be mad doesn’t mean you love them less. I think this is especially true with teenagers, because disagreements with teenagers can be intense. Teenagers know what buttons to push, and they are very good at pushing them.
When you argue with your kids you have to be the grownup. When kids make bad choices you have to separate their actions from them. There is never a reason to belittle your kids, call them names, or put them down. They might try all those tactics, but you can’t engage. Kids need to know that no matter how mean they get, or how hard they push, that you will always love them.
When you get married people tell you not to go to bed angry. Why don’t they tell you the same when you have kids? Next time you are upset with your kids at challenge you to take a breath and think about what your about to say. I believe we can discipline our kids, without damaging them. If you ground them, and they come to you hour a hug, a giggle, or a cuddle. Well hug them, giggle with them, and cuddle them. It won’t mean they are less grounded or less in trouble. It will just mean you love them.