What do you do when mom gets pneumonia, and your child has cystic fibrosis? Think about it. You are the primary caregiver, and now you have an infection that could cause critical harm to your child. That’s been our reality for the last 7 days. Thankfully I’m starting to feel better, but it really gave me a perspective on things.
Cystic Fibrosis Airway vs Pneumonia
I had never had pneumonia in both lungs, and then complicated by bronchitis. There were several times where I just wasn’t sure how I could ever catch my breath. I was so sick Saturday that Brooklyn had a panic attack over me going to the doctor. Monday morning Brooklyn woke me up to make sure I wasn’t dead. Because she had kept peeking in my room for an hour and I hadn’t moved. Both times my reaction wanted to be to get upset. Saturday I felt so bad. I just could not breathe. But her fear was real. It was irrational, but it was real. Maybe because she has seen Lexi go to the hospital and then get admitted? Maybe because I just looked that bad? Ultimately I took her with me back to the doctor. Smart parenting? No way. Take a healthy kid to the doctor surrounded by sick kids in a car with a sick mom. Again, I wore a mask in the car. But I realized that anxiety is not rational. She had a real fear that I could not understand, and I needed to take care of myself. We found a way to work through it together. When she woke me up I had only been asleep for a couple of hours. The steroids and breathing issues both keeping me up for hours. So to wake me up just to see if I would wake up I wanted to yell “what are you doing?!” But, again, we have shared Brooklyn’s anxiety issues here. That would have helped nothing. So I didn’t. She was scared and I’m here mom.
All that aside, when my lungs were full of mucus, I couldn’t help think about everyone with cystic fibrosis. Having all that mucus in your lungs all the time. The fear of when you grasp a breath it just gets caught on a mucus plug. Ironically it was Lexi’s CF that probably kept me out of the hospital. Having equipment around to clear airways, do treatments, thin mucus. These aren’t things that average people have laying around their house. I’ve hated being sick, and I’ve never been sick like this before. BUT I think that it has given me a irreplaceable experience. A new perspective. A perspective that I’m thankful for. More reason to pray Lexi’s CF never gets worse. A reason to keep myself healthy, and pray harder for those moms with their own chronic illnesses.